It all started with a Hepatitis A scare from drinking an unsweet tea at a McDonald’s on the same morning as an infected employee. I immediately went to my “sports injuries” doctor because he is the last one to see me for anything involving my liver, which is what Hepatitis can adversely affect. Sure enough, he thought my liver felt enlarged and I had jaundiced eyes, but he was certain it was a long term issue, not a sudden onset of hepatitis. One day later, liver function showed some distress but not Hep A. He told me to see my diabetes doctor because it very well could be a problem.
My diabetes doctor looked at my glucose meter history and my very detailed food and workout journal (another reason I like to write in a book..docs love it) and he said he felt almost certain that my A1c had increased and possibly some hormone issues related to Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. The test results would make things clearer. I asked about my weight and he wasn’t concerned because I was so active and my heart was in great condition. However, if I did have PCOS that would make weight loss so much harder. I only had maybe 3 big symptoms of PCOS but that didn’t mean anything. He said most of his patients had the most success with a South Beach type of eating (not a diet…a way of eating) which is lowER carb, not all you can eat bacon on Atkins. If I was so concerned about it, start cutting back on some unnecessary carbs.
Those results came back and my A1c had not changed in 5 years. He was ECSTATIC. That meant I WAS doing a good job with controlling diabetes. He was NOT going to put me on any insulin or metformin because it would cause me to bottom out and that’s very dangerous. The only way my high glucose morning level could come back down within 3 hours was the result of long term exercise. The hormone levels didn’t show anything crazy out of whack but on the borderline of normal for a couple of them. He referred me to my ob/gyn to consult about these results and the failure to conceive.
My ob/gyn asked a bunch of questions and immediately started signing us up for fertility testing. As he said, I’m not getting younger. Stephen’s test was good, so the problem is probably me., which my doctor originally felt that would be the case. He wants to see me back soon for some laproscopic procedures to further test for PCSOS or endometriosis. Wow. I’m about to become a lab rat. During the appt I started tearing up and never stopped. In his office during the consultation after he went over all the next steps, I finally asked about the large elephant in the room (absolutely no pun intended…). I asked about my weight and was that the reason for trouble? He asked me what was I talking about. I asked him again. He said “are you upset over your weight? Is THAT why you’re crying??” and then I cried even more. He assured me that yes, obviously the scale is reading a bigger number than…3 years ago when I last saw him (insert glare from him for skipping out for 3 years and foregoing reproductive health check ups). HOWEVER, obviously he had just seen the..umm…”whole picture” and my weight had nothing to do with it. I got so frustrated then. I may have even yelled a bit. He looked at my food/workout book and said I was perfectly fine. I told him I wasn’t. That I was miserable. Absolutely miserable and to the point that I felt like my life is being taken over by thoughts of food and losing weight.
He told me if I didn’t learn to let go of some of the obsession, nothing was going to happen with the weight or TTC and the only thing he could tell me about the weight was the program he fully endorses….Weight Watchers. Imagine my surprise. I come from 2 generations of successful WW members. My grandmother still goes to weigh-ins every month because she’s been on maintenance for over 20 years. I know the program works.
And I’m going to go to the meeting, because obviously I want to look like Charles Barkley in drag.
He suggested I go to a meeting and follow the “healthy guidelines”, not just focus on points. Either I’m not eating enough for the workouts or I’m eating too much of the good stuff. It is possible to overeat healthy food. But he cautioned that I need to stop the obsession or I was headed for trouble. He didn’t like that I said I was miserable. Not that I FEEL miserable. But that I AM miserable over a number that maybe be high on a BMI chart, but is nowhere near a problem for me or my reproductive health. He asked why I waited so long to come for my yearly exam and I was honest. About a year ago the weight started increasing. I kept thinking I needed to lose it before I saw him. And then when it was clear to us that we wanted to try for kids, I knew that the first thing he might say is “lose weight first then come back” and I couldn’t take that. He shook his head and said he wouldn’t be a doctor if he didn’t tell some patients that exact thing. But it wasn’t true in my case. And I felt like an idiot. I really should have had this conversation 2 years ago. I left feeling still frustrated but a lot better about what the future may hold.
I’ll update more about WW and the first meeting. I’ve been keeping up with my points for the past two days and I’ve gone under both days. Today I’m doing better so we will see. I do not want this to be a WW blog, so I won’t post points for EVERYthing I eat. If I do calculate points for a recipe, I’ll include that since I get a lot of WW members through the pictures on foodgawker, tastespotting, and pinterest. What WW will force me to do is measure my recipes and actually pay attention to portion size.
Whew. I’m glad I got that over with. Sharing with the world that I’m not happy with my weight and what I am going to do about it is not easy.