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I have a confession……

And it concerns a number.

For most of my adult life after college, I’ve focused so much on a number. I let it bother me, uplift me, control me, enslave me. A great morning could turn real ugly just by a flashing digital number. A random Biggest Loser contestant’s weigh-in could leave me in tears…”I’m bigger than she is and she’s on Biggest Loser!!!!” Did I notice that it was the final two weeks and this girl was at her goal weight..her healthy weight..her strong weight?? Nope..just saw the number.

And I have to admit, I’m about tired of that number.

And lately, I’ve learned an important lesson.

That number can only control me to the extent that I let it.

Most mornings for the past 4 months, Ive been too busy to check that stupid number. I’m up early and going to CrossFit, which is responsible for a LOT of my thinking regarding weight vs. fitness. I can do things now that I never dreamed possible. Who knew I could lift so much weight? Or run so much faster so soon? Each week as I got stronger, the less that number mattered. Yes, I’ve been slowly..slowly dropping weight. Very ounces a week. I’ve also ramped up my trail running while training for some summer races. I’ve learned what works for an intense weight workout and works better for a long sustained trail run and what works for a rest day.

I’ve learned salt can be a nasty thing.

And sugar can be a killer.

And I’m not controlled or defined by a number.

I’m more peaceful at 160-something than I ever was at 130-something. I feel like my body is more beautiful now than ever. I’m still going to keep shifting carbs around and try to balance food with workouts to keep dropping a few more pounds. Simply put, less weight=less strain on my knees and everything I do, I do to make myself a better runner. I only started crossfit to help make my leg better for running. So yes, I would like to keep losing.

But it really hit me this week…I’m no longer a slave to the number. 

And that’s a pretty good feeling.

Dinner was a big shot of protein!


I had the half with turkey. The other half has stuff that I don’t like, but Stephen does.

Now it’s off to sleep so I can get up and get moving…..right past the scale. I know by 6:30am, I’m going to feel absolutely worn out, no more strength, and utterly fantastic.

Sarah (Running To Slow Things Down)

Sunday 24th of April 2011

I LOVED this post! You are so right, and yet so many of us have had to struggle and battle a number. No number can ever define who we are. How strong or beautiful or at peace we feel.

Such a wonderful post and such a wonderful reminder. Rock on! I love your attitude. :D

Michelle @ Turning Over a New Leaf

Wednesday 20th of April 2011

Wahoo! I'm kinda sorta in the same boat. I did Weight Watchers for months, dropped 40-ish lbs, and when "getting to goal weight" became a bit number-obsessed (my goal was 138 and I was floating around 140-142), I more or less quit the scale and counting calories. Since then I've drifted back up just a little and have maintained the mid-upper 140s for the past 8 months. I'm still strong, healthy, and capable, but I'm not quite as active as I used to be, and my pants are more snug than I'd like. I've tossed around ideas of counting calories, points, etc. again. I've done with and without and I'm still not sure what I need to do since it's not about the number for me. I just want to quit the bad behaviors (ie. overeating, especially when it comes to carbs) that keep my pants snug.

Today I went ahead and signed up for Weight Watchers again, this time paying money (ugh). As an overeater, I need the accountability of a program I can't manipulate too much. Not sure how this will affect my scale habits though.

janetha @ meals & moves

Wednesday 20th of April 2011

Love the post, your thoughts and your determination to no longer let the number control you! YES... FITNESS>WEIGHT.


Wednesday 20th of April 2011

Great post! WOHOO!! Hope you have a great day!


Tuesday 19th of April 2011

I'm glad you have come to have a healthier outlook. your strength and health is most important:)