I said something earlier about having never been so excited to have such a slow race time. The Rock n’ Roll Savannah half marathon didn’t happen for several reasons. It’s no secret on my blog that I’ve been really struggling with running since the miscarriage in late August. I remember being on workout restriction after the surgery and longing to put some miles back on my book. However, when I got that clearance, almost every run seemed more and more difficult. September was an abysmal month of running. I didn’t have those “you’ll feel better when you finish” feelings. I still felt sad. I still felt..depressed. I’ll just say it out loud. Depressed.
It has been that way up until the past couple of weeks. I began to take a hard look at what was happening and I knew how difficult it COULD get when depression sinks in for a long stay. I started spending some substantial time in meditation and prayer specifically for my mental health. Physically, I’m still enjoying good health. Mentally, I was falling apart. I got some new shoes, began listening to my old songs, returning to older routes, re-living those beginnings again. And it was working. But this positive direction was too little-too late for Savannah. I was severely under-trained and I knew it.
Friday night, Stephen confronted me about what has been going on. He was noticing the distance I was putting between myself and everybody and everything else. We had a very long, very much needed, heart to heart about the miscarriage and it was exactly what we needed. When I finally went to sleep as the sun was rising on a perfect race day, I slept better than I have in weeks. I let the race go and enjoyed every last minute of our time for the rest of the vacation.
Now that the race is over, I have nothing else on my training plan except to slow down and start the journey over again. Aches and pains have been creeping in and I absolutely know that skipping on my CrossFit workouts—especially the workouts with heavy lifting—is why my jacked up IT band and hips are acting up. I know what my body NEEDS, and it’s time to say adios to the dark spaces I keep crawling into. It’s time to change “my can’ts into cans and my dreams into plans”.
This one is not going to have my usual snark-a-licious demeanor or some witty pic. This is me being real. Thanks for listening.