Hey guess what? I’ve got a race Saturday. A big one. One that I’ve been so excited about since I ran it last year. I’ve talked non-stop about Twisted Ankle for the past few months.
I did my last long run of 14 miles at a trail in MS over Easter Weekend. That was the end of training and the begin of taper. Taper is when a runner dials down the long hard miles to save the legs for the race. Some people call this “taper madness” because it messes with your head. You KNOW that you don’t want to keep putting so much stress on the legs and joints so close to race day, but each day you wonder if you’re losing cardio strength. Some people taper two to three weeks depending on the length of the race. I had a PERFECT training session for 4 months. Almost textbook even though I made my own training plan. If I missed a run due to sickness, I made it up the next week and tweaked my weekly running.
So after the long run, I rested on Sunday. I did a couple of miles on Monday. Rested on Tuesday. Then all hell broke loose on Tuscaloosa on Wednesday.
Keep in mind, this storm system was predicted about 10 days in advance. with each passing day, the meteorologists used more severe wording, the maps looked worse, and since i”m a huge weather geek, I was glued to James Spann for days leading up to Wednesday. A strong squall line of straight line winds came through about 5am Wednesday and caused some tree damage all over. The school systems in Tuscaloosa decided to just cancel school and it’s a good thing they did. I didn’t run that day. I sat and waited.
And since that day, I have not run one mile. I’ve walked plenty, lifted heavy (boxes, water, bricks, people, boards, etc. Not weights), and rested little. No running. I can’t do it. I think about going for a shake out, tension release run, but can’t force myself to put on the shoes.
Some tell me it’s survivor’s guilt. I’m alive. Many are not. I have a house. Many do not.
Some tell me that it’s post-traumatic-stress and a little depression. Yes, I’m depressed. I can’t sleep. I dream badly. I feel so tired and lethargic, but I must continue with relief efforts. I have to be a part of this. I can’t go home and do nothing.
I really don’t want to race.
But Stephen said we are going to Georgia for the night just to get away from Tuscaloosa. Hopefully, we can recharge the batteries so we can continue to help. We don’t have kids, and we are not so old that we can’t help. Many of our church members have young kids and jobs that do not have the time like we do. We feel so strongly that this is what we need to do. Not everybody can go into the disaster areas and see the devastation and the people and the hopelessness on their faces. We can. We see the light in their eyes when we help. We see the light in our own souls when we help.
So, in 3 days, I’m supposed to run/crawl up a mountain, run 6 miles across the ridge, then back down 13.1miles of fun.
But I have no idea if I can do it.