Every now and then, conversations between Stephen and myself border on the insane. Take this one last week.
Me: I subscribed to the newspaper.
Stephen: Why in the world did you do that?
Me: umm…because I like reading about local stuff.
Stephen: We have lived here 8 years and you have never once talked about getting a paper. What is so important in the paper that you can’t read online?
Me: (big pause) Why do you hate America????
Stephen: (big eye roll) It’s no big deal, I just know we had a big discussion about the budget and talked about ways to save money.
Me: Are you forgetting THE COUPONS???
Stephen: You mean the ones for dog food for the dog we do not have, babies for the kid we do not have, and crap from the subsidized aisle of death at Walmart ?
Me: (big pause) Why do you hate capitalism???????
Stephen: (big sigh) Okay fine, but save them so I can use them for target shooting.
Me: Why would you want to shoot up coupons? What have they ever done to you? I mean other than encourage me to buy 364 boxes of Tuna Helper which we both loath with every fiber of our being?
Stephen: (BIG SIGH AND EYEROLL) The paper. Save the paper. The whole thing.
Me: After I’m done using them to make cool paper mache’ stuff from Pinterest.
Stephen: And now we have come full circle. This all started because you saw something on Pinterest that requires a ton of newspaper and probably some Eye of Newt or something strange you’re going to have to drive to Birmingham to get.
Me: (big pause) Well it is FOR YOU. It’s my way of saying “Thank you for not being a polygamist because that Sister Wives show really makes me sad and I would hate to have you visit me in jail after I killed your other wives…and maybe attempted to slip you some arsenic”
Stephen: How do you come up with this stuff?
Me: (Big pause) Why do you hate innovation and freedom of thought?????
The paper started coming and I kept up with it for about 4 days. But I don’t think he really noticed that my paper-reading habit had stalled. I mean, surely he didn’t do this on purpose?
They are still sitting there. Maybe I’ll remember to read them this weekend.
Dinner tonight was outstanding. Stuffed chicken breasts and garlic sautéed kale.
I bought them already stuffed with provolone, prosciutto, and spinach so I seared them first and then finished them in the oven. This is the first “good” meal I have had in a while. Food is down the list of priorities right now. I keep forgetting to take breakfast and lunch to school. I manage to eat something for dinner, but even Stephen noticed my portion size has dwindled to child size. I’m just too wired and stressed at work to eat.
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